So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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