Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
