Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
