True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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