Did you just see the Batmobile???
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
