I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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