Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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