he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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