Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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