Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
FUCK WHALES
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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