she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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