Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
