walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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