I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
