Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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