Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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