so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
