He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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