So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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