she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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