im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
