im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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