and she was petting her beer can
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
