ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
