As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
