my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
soo... how was my night?
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