I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
