just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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