with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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