oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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