His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We need to get me chipped asap
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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