hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
