The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
