We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
