He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
