My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
