Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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