i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Less talking, more tequila
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
