Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
