5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
