somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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