I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
