I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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