I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
