So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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