Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
