it wasn't lemon gatorade
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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