im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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