you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize