Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
