in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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