Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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