apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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