okay pat passed out under dana's car
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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