Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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