Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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