this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize