Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
