This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
