she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
