I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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