Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i now understand why vodka
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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