How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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