i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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