tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
