Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
More tranny stories later!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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