Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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