Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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