hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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