So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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