We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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