i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
