He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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